Paula Pate, LCMFT

Paula's perspective is to take the difficulties and issues you bring to therapy to solve and to consider them given the context from which they developed, historically and currently. She will want to know and be curious about the impact and influences of people who have been and are important to you.

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Paula draws primarily from Crucible Therapy (an integrated treatment for sex, intimacy, and relationship issues), Bowen Family Systems Theory, and Psychodynamic Therapy. She works with issues including anxiety, depression, grief, resentment, self-esteem and shame, high functioning personality disorders, divorce, midlife crisis, adjustment disorders, and parental estrangement. She also works well with Highly Sensitive People, highly intelligent people, and adult children of dysfunctional families. Paula enjoys helping clients adjust to life transitions including divorce, death, retirement, menopause and other pivotal moments in life.

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Paula operates committed to the idea that therapy will be most effective when it brings out the best in people especially in times of difficulty. Her aim is not to reduce the anxieties that are present in your life, but to aid you in increasing your tolerance of them. Paula believes therapy is most helpful when it engages people in taking an active position toward their distresses; not a passive or reactive position.

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Paula says, "When working together, please expect an exploration of your present concerns and as well as an exploration of your past – including experiences, issues, and events which you may fear or tend to avoid. These explorations will involve an important amount of attention to the current relationships in your life, as well as your family of origin. In the room, I will share my thoughts and observations. These will sometimes be uncomfortable to consider, and as you begin to challenge yourself and work to change the ways you have been seeing and doing things, you can expect to feel some discomfort.

 

"This might feel like things are getting worse, not better. But as you pull up in your own functioning – in your thinking and behavior – it is likely you will view issues that were previously difficult with a new perspective, this being evidence of your development and not symptom management. Therapy involves a large commitment of time, money, and energy. I do not take working with you lightly and it is my expectation that you, too, take this endeavor seriously."​

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When recommending a book to clients, Paula most often suggests one of the following: Passionate Marriage, Intimacy and Desire, and Brain Talk (all by David Schnarch, PhD), Growing Yourself Up: How to Bring Your Best to All of Life’s Relationships by Jenny Brown, PhD, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times by Pema Chodron, Extraordinary Relationships: A New Way of Thinking about Human Interaction by Roberta Gilbert, MD, and Your Mindful Compass: Breakthrough Strategies for Navigating Life/Work Relationships in Any
Social Jungle by Andrea Schara.

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Paula grew up and lives in Kansas. Her summers as a kid were spent in "at the lake," a joy she has passed to her three adult children. Paula's "fun fact" when asked is that when she was five, her Dad taught her to water-ski in their back-yard pool by pulling her up with a garden hose. She has three adult children in different states that provide great reasons to travel and visit. She has wisdom informed by her own divorce after 30 years of marriage, the loss of her dad when she was a new wife and mother, and the loss of her mom to Covid. ​​​Schedule with Paula today!