Coaching with Paula
Clients in any state or country can work with Paula Pate.
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As a relationship coach, Paula works with couples in committed relationships, individuals and families, including parents and adult children in conflict.
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Paula’s style is direct and candid and includes collaborative confrontation to speak to the best in you, helping you receive thoughtful feedback, and increasing your capacity for intimacy with the important people in your life.
Paula draws from her experience as a therapist for over a decade (her therapy page is here) and is passionate about working with people who long for depth and meaning in their lives. She helps her clients see issues accurately and with increased clarity and then determine how to best manage their behaviors in response.
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Paula says, "While the topics brought by clients are unique to them, clients often mistake these topics for the most important issue. The issues for most of us, at their core are universal: the dilemma of having to choose between what you want and what you’re afraid to lose or of choosing between facing what you want to avoid or facing the consequence of your avoidance. I help you face these dilemmas and discern what it means to move forward from the solid part in you."​
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Paula works with clients dealing with difficulties related to:
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Lack of trust
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Difficulty setting healthy boundaries
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Infidelity
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Difficulties in the sexual relationship (including sexual drive disparities, menopause, and lack of connection)
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Lack of emotional intimacy
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Adjusting to life transitions including marriage, divorce, birth of children, retirement, death, launching children, grandchildren, moving, etc.
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Lack of felt purpose
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Unproductive conflict
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Disconnection, lacking joy
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Differences in parenting styles
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Inability to forgive
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Adult-child and parent relationship conflict
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Aging
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Self-empowerment
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Paula works best with clients who are ready to do the work necessary to effect sustainable change. This includes self-confronting (often the most challenging aspect of self-development), and the willingness to tolerate pain for growth – to push themselves outside of what has been (uncomfortably) comfortable. These are true of individual work and work with muti-person systems.
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Most often, when recommending a book to a client, Paula suggests Passionate Marriage and Brain Talk, both by Dr. David Schnarch. Other favorites she finds meaningful in her own life include Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh and The Little Prince by Antoine De Saint-Exupery.
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Paula loves quotes and has had notebooks and little scraps of paper filled with them scattered throughout her home and scattered throughout her life. The one that got her hooked she found in 6th grade: “To be nobody but yourself in a world that is doing its best night and day to make you everybody else, means to fight the hardest battle you can fight, and never stop fighting” by e. e. cummings. A recent favorite found in Passionate Marriage: “May we all develop the strength to love well.” Both of these quotes reflect the work Paula will be doing with you.
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Paula grew up and lives in Kansas. Her summers as a kid were spent in "at the lake," a joy she has passed to her three adult children. Paula's "fun fact" when asked is that when she was five, her Dad taught her to water-ski in their back-yard pool by pulling her up with a garden hose. She has three adult children in different states that provide great reasons to travel and visit. She has wisdom informed by her own divorce after 30 years of marriage, the loss of her dad when she was a new wife and mother, and the loss of her mom to Covid. ​​​Reach out today to work with Paula!